How do you determine the size of a tip to leave your server?

So you are done with your meal, the check comes, now it is decision time… How much are you going to tip the person who served you?  It may not seem like such a big decision however if you are at all like me the size if your tip say’s a lot about how you felt about your dining experience. Even if you are someone who always tips 18% no matter what, you could easily ask yourself how you feel about giving 18% to the server.  Are you leaving that tip happily or is it out of obligation?

I tend to leave tips of 15, 20, or 25%.  The service has to be really poor for me to leave 15% and exceptionally good for a 25% tip. Most fall in the middle. What I’ve come to realize though is my friends criteria for saying the service was poor or exceptionally good differs from mine.  It’s easy to agree on an almost never ending list of what would be considered extremely poor service but as we move up the scale towards exceptionally good personal preferences, tastes, lifestyle and economic situations begin playing a bigger roll in how we view the service

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Here is my short list of what it takes to get a 25% tip from me.

1.           Keep the fluids flowing. I drink a lot of water and sometimes a lot of soda. I realize soda and water don’t increase the overall tab so feel free to bring me a carafe. Either way I don’t like empty glasses at the table.

2.           Unless I engage you or we have previously developed a relationship I’d prefer to keep the idle chit chat to a minimum. I’m there to eat and if not alone socialize with my friends.

3.           Bring out the food in a timely manner. I prefer the main course after we are done with the appetizers.

4.           Don’t ask for my plate while anyone at the table is still eating unless I’ve set it aside and motioned for you to pick it up. Most definitely do not make me feel rushed.

5.           Bring the bill only when you are confident me and my company are done, asking if we want desert is a good way to determine that.

Note that I didn't mention the quality of the food since generally I won’t hold the server accountable for my meal choice. The tip is based on their service.

Another factor I left out is the expectations we have on the business prior to walking in the door. Just look at any of the major rating and review sites and for almost any business you’ll find someone who was really disappointed that their experience didn't match the reviews they read. Ever been referred to the best movie of all time by a friend only to feel like you wasted $8.50 and two hours of your time? Buyer’s remorse can happen at restaurants too and is often reflected in our tips.

  

So back to the original question, how do you determine the size of a tip to leave your server?

The best Christmas gift I ever got you can give too

This year I would like to share something personal with all my connections.

My mom taught me that when someone gives you a gift you should keep it forever. I’m really sentimental about that even though it doesn't hurt my feelings that most people don’t care about it as much as I do. Just looking around my office right now there are at least 10 things that came from people who I haven’t hung out with in years but I think about often. Coincidentally, three of the items were from office party Christmas gift exchanges. A little wood carved Tuscan with a magnet and a Hot Wheel that I know came in a personalized Christmas stocking made by Kelly’s daughter Kiersten. There is a Alvin and the Chipmunk’s musical novelty item Kate gave me. There also is this great little glass Rhino Judy gave me although that was just a random middle of the year gift but worth mentioning since I was listing stuff from old coworkers.

Amazingly, the best Christmas gift I ever got was given to me by an x-coworker one year prior to Christmas while I was dreading the upcoming shopping madness. We worked at the same company but in different departments. We recognized each other as working at the same company but never conversed prior to this day. To say we were even acquaintances would be a bit of a stretch although like the other gifts I will cherish what he gave me forever.  We ran into each other at the local dog park one day and had a brief conversation about the commercialism of the upcoming holidays. That is when I received what I’m about to pass on to you. So let me just say I hope you and your family have a “Merry Christmas” and enjoy this as much as I have.

Regardless of your beliefs about Jesus and what Christmas is suppose to be about, you can’t go wrong with this. Personally though, I believe that this is a gift that would make Jesus himself very happy.

As a bonus this gift could be great for the local economy and can’t be made in China. But that is just a bonus.  

The gift is the gift of our most precious commodity combined with our need for real connectivity especially in this age of electronic socialization. The gift is “time together”. What I was given was the consciousness of how valuable time together really is and how it’s something that can’t be store bought.

Yep, it turns out that the super stores could move all their #Black Friday, #SuperSaturday and #CyberMonday deals to July for all I care. Actually that would be fine, I’d be happy to take advantage of that to buy myself stuff, however, for me Christmas isn't about buying presents anymore.  Christmas is about seeing the smiles on everyone’s faces and hearing the buzz as we talk about doing something together later in the year. That is right. Instead of the mad dash to get great discounts on cheep items for Christmas, I spend my time thinking about what we can do together during the coming year as a family and make the announcement on Christmas.

Oh you should have heard the shockwaves of confusion running through my family that first Christmas when instead of a Christmas present from Walmart or some other major store chain they got a card that said, “this year we are all going to the San Francisco Zoo”.

Sure there was some disappointment about not getting the latest video game, a cute dress or whatever on Christmas morning. But you should have seen the looks on their faces and heard the excitement later that year as we squeezed my whole family, sisters, daughter, nieces, nephew, great nieces and nephews, everyone who wanted to go…we squeezed them into my good old 1977 Dodge Dreamer motor home and took the trip to San Francisco Zoo. So instead of a few minutes of excitement over some silly little gift we all had a day full of memories that will last a lifetime.

The next year, we went to the San Jose Tech Museum and before checking out all the exhibits we watched The Lion King on their huge IMAX Dome screen.  I’ll never forget seeing my mom’s smile as we took a few minutes to enjoy seeing the jaw dropped expressions on the faces of her kids, grandkids, and great grand kids watching the movie. Mom has passed on now but that moment will live forever.  Since then there was a Whale Watching trip on the Monterey Bay, a Beach Bonfire, Ice Skating and a sleepover. 

I need to acknowledge that getting everyone together and coordinating these events isn't always easy, nor is it cheaper than picking up some made in China trinket. But one year, worried about money and not knowing what the future had in store I decided that maybe it would be best to just give the kids a few bucks to spend on whatever. Later, my great nephew came to me asking in confidence, “are we still going to do something together as a family?” Thank you Mario for reminding me that this gift isn't just for me and that it’s less important what we do, but more important that we do stuff together as a family.

Best wishes for you to have memories that will last a lifetime,

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

Alvin Cordeiro